First, I want to talk about Megan. Jenny told me that SUDC is the final answer for her death. What a cheap, stupid, cop out answer. No reason?! No reason why this baby princess girl had to go? What the FUCK. It doesn't make it easier to accept her being gone at all. There is no closure. There is NOTHING. It just makes me so sick at heart to know this. I'm not even her Mama, but the final answer to her death made me bawl. I just don't 'get' it.
I see my girls, mainly Declan, and I think of Jenny, Michael, Emily, and Megan daily. They won't get to see her climbing in a pantry to dig down her yogurt snacks. She won't get to crawl over and lay on Trixie like Declan lays on Bolt.
This morning, Gaige straightened her, Griffen's,and Rourke's hair. Declan was knocking, knocking, knocking on the bathroom door. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaige" I told them to let her in. She was on cloud 9 to be included. They paraded in here with newly straightened (and long!!!) hair. I oohed and aahed appropriately. I ran my fingers through Rourke's hair and said it was so pretty. She walked off. I heard Declan. She backed herself up to me to rub her hair too.
I am just so disgusted that Jenny won't get that. Emily will never pretend to straighten her baby sister's hair. Computer friend or not, I still feel such a powerful loss that it hurts!
I just feel guilty for enjoying Declan so much when I know that Megan is gone. They were so much alike, our little baby baldie princess girls. <3 Megan!!
Another thing, is the house stuff. We have lumber for bunk beds. We have a front door. We have tile and grout. We have cabinet doors. Where to start?! When?! Where is the time?! - where can you buy time? You can't. We got a freaking pool that we can't use because we have to have someone haul in dirt and sand to level it out. When??? The kids want to swim and they can't. I want the door in. I want the floor finished. I can't wait to put the floor in the garage reno. I want that damn laundry room!! I can almost taste it! And...the laundry room is tasting really good! (sicko) I can't wait to not have the damn washer in the kitchen.
See - it DOESN'T belong here!
The girls and I sat down last night and designed the bunk beds, the loft bed, and the shelving system to go in the corner for the cubbies and TV cabinet. They are so excited. I'm excited too, I can't wait to get stitches over this. (yeah....I'm sure that's a given) We've designed a shoe cubby for under the loft bed. I am looking forward to the floor space clearing out with all the new storage they are going to have. Yay storage!
They are still totally loving their bedding that I made them, and I am considering making some for my own bed after I do some up for the boys! Cheap, easy, looks super great, and I get to brag on it. Can it get any better?
And, to end this on a positive note, we are going to take a walk to get ice cream!
1 comment:
so crafty :)
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